“I don't know the key to success, but the key to
failure is trying to please everybody.”
― Bill Cosby
The implication in the above quote - supported by the popular psychobabble - is that one should not strive to be a people pleaser. Clearly, because of differing personalities and expectations, it is impossible to please everybody. The introvert will be displeased by the extrovert's efforts; the chubby may be displeased by the efforts of the skinny to show him or her "the way"; Democrats will be displeased by Republicans' ideologies, and so on. Trying to please all those diverging sensibilities can only result in a scattering of one's efforts and talents. Therefore, pleasing oneself is the only way to be.
Rather than being a self-centered attitude, pleasing oneself means being authentic. It is not an invitation to be selfish or rude. Rather, it is a recognition of one's own true self. And it is only through one's true self that one can communicate with the world in a true, authentic, sincere manner.
"Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. It is courage that counts." - Winston Churchill
Success is an illusive thing. You may struggle and sweat at a project, only to fail. Character is marked by the courage to persevere in the face of ostensible failure.
But what happens if you should succeed? Is victory assured forever? Is effort no longer needed? Can you now rest upon your laurels, secure in your triumph? No. Now is the true test of your mettle - what you do with your success. Do you go to the beach, or find the next boulder to push up the mountain? Either one -- success or failure -- is a lifelong endeavor, simply approached from different perspectives.
Consider, too, that if you surmount all your difficulties and succeed time and time again, you're not stretching enough!
“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.”
― Mark Twain
This quote from the celebrated humorist, is indeed comical when taken at face value. But have you considered that if you try - and fail - that does not indicate the measure of a man (or woman)? The virtue is in the trying, not in the ultimate success. The trying (to quit smoking or overeating or whatever) implies several things: (a) that you recognize that something is amiss; (b) that you wish to follow a different path, a healthier path; (c) that you are ready to make an effort. Trying is a high-level condition. Celebrate it; embrace it; accept it; include it - it is part of who you are, a testament to your ambition to change into a better human being. If you ever doubt it, consider the untiring efforts made by the likes of Edison and Lincoln.
Don't ever quit. Keep trying!
“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It
does.” ― William
James
William James is known as the Father of Psychology. The quote above is not simply a cute affirmation to repeat as a mantra while sitting cross-legged and trying to contemplate one's existence. The above quote is, indeed, quite profound.
Consider that if you raise your index finger, the air molecules around your finger shift. You can't see the air moving, but in fact, it is. And when the air moves around your finger, it necessarily shifts everywhere. Everywhere.
Now consider something more momentous than simply raising your finger and moving air molecules. Do you doubt for an instant that the people around you are influenced by what you do and say? The people around you are your family, friends, colleagues, even strangers on the street and in the next car. Everyone and everything around you is influenced by what you do and say, as you are influenced by everyone else. The question is, is that influence for the good or evil?
You make a difference!
“The only man who never makes a mistake is the man
who never does anything.” ― Theodore Roosevelt
Not doing anything is a great way to play it safe. But taking a risk brings more satisfaction. There is the satisfaction of accomplishment; the satisfaction of having done a good job; and most importantly, the satisfaction of having the courage to take that risk. Sure, it can be scary at times, intimidating, unpleasant. But the rewards are oh, so delicious. Think of the time when you had your eye on a person of the opposite sex and were afraid to approach him or her? When you finally conquered your fear, did you not feel lighter? That person's response is almost inconsequential. What matters is that you dared to step out on the skinny branches!
Dare to be great!
“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will
take you everywhere.”
― Albert Einstein
Like playing, thinking outside the box is done more by children than by adults. By the time they grow up, children have learned social "rules," required protocols, the so-called social grease of relationships, and gradually begin conforming to a logical step-by-step hierarchy for things. As in a prior blog entry, the key to not getting old is to never stop playing. Here, the key to inventiveness, creativity, and energy is to avoid the tried-and-true, A to B linear thinking, and dare to step outside. This is not confined merely to logical material, dry calculations of profit and loss, pros and cons, but to everything in life, including new careers, relocations, new friends.
Have you ever wondered how it was possible for a little girl to understand rhythm and cadence to the point of being such a celebrated dancer as Shirley Temple? If you look at her videos, you would be amazed at the level of sophistication in the syncopation of her dance steps. She didn't achieve that level of proficiency by studying countless hours or earning an advanced degree. Her dance was instinctive, spontaneous childlike innocence that does not analyze everything. When I try to dance, I slow the music (or shut it off entirely), then slowly count every step, every right-left-hop, frequently painfully and to no avail. I, as an adult, require many, many repetitions, and I still cannot dream of reaching Shirley's level of proficiency. Why? Because I'm dancing to someone else's tune.
Dare to imagine. Dare to design your life. Think outside the box.
“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow
old because we stop playing.” ― George Bernard Shaw
This is not only about playing, but about living. There is ample evidence to suggest that retirement is not good for the soul - or for life, itself. Do not delude yourself into believing that retirement will set you free - from your boss, from the commute, from the stress. It won't. Rather, retirement will have the opposite effect, that of withdrawing you from a community, from social interaction, from deadlines, from the need to get up at a set time and go about doing something that someone is relying upon. You may fantasize that that is exactly what you need, peace and quiet, and yet, upon further reflection, you would probably admit to yourself that when you had unlimited time off, you became bored. And boredom leads to laziness, which leads to lack of interest, which leads to eventual death. Lack of interest is the worst. After all, how much golf can you play? You believe that you would never tire of sitting in your sailboat and bobbing on the waves? It's wonderful when you do it in small segments - just like eating chocolate cake: it's delicious at first bite; it's satisfying at the end of the piece of cake; it's beckoning to you to have another piece, then another; and yet, once you realize that there is no one watching you, no one with whom you must share that cake, do you really want to finish it? What about tomorrow, will you want yet another chocolate cake? Perhaps. Retirement is not quite like a chocolate cake. Worse - it lasts much longer. Much longer with nothing to do. Yes, yes, I know, you've got your hobbies, your grandchildren, your voluminous library. But have you goals and aspirations?
