Temptation

“Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it.”

― Thomas Jefferson 

This is a familiar theme, reproduced throughout the ages, that of bypassing instant gratification for the longer-term success.  The theme appears in many settings, from losing weight to premarital sex.  On this, the eve of the new year, resolutions are merrily promised, sincerely adopted, and enthusiastically pursued, until the ogre of the work involved shows its ugly head.  All forms of resolutions are then cast aside as the coats of winter on a sunny day.  No one wants the toil involved in working through to a longer-term goal.  No one wants the deprivation involved.  And yet, as the quote above implies, before you break your resolutions in favor of a piece of chocolate or other inadvisable item, consider whether that action would move you toward your goal or create more pain than it is worth.

Faith is not for the Fainthearted

Today is Christmas Day.  After the presents and crumpled paper, spiced egg nog and baked ham, one might settle down and remember that the story of Christmas is a story of faith.  Christmas is when the world celebrates the birth of Christ, the one who would save humankind from itself.  It is a reverent day.  The presents that we give each other are reminiscent of the gifts from the three kings, though their gifts were much more sober and meaning-ful (full of meaning) for the newborn infant.  We do not spend much time nowadays remembering our purpose.  Indeed, having faith that two thousand years ago a messiah was born is difficult in itself.  It requires a leap of thinking and feeling.  It requires trust that the stories we have been told are true, that the infant that escaped Herrod's wrath is indeed worthy of our devotion, even while we try with all our might to camouflage our deeper feelings with flights of fancy, with parties and silliness that have very little to do with the occasion. 

Success

“The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.”

― George S. Patton

I am fascinated by stories of overnight success.  You know the kind - you go about your business, then one day, pouf! a media blitz about someone you never heard anything about.  The chorus of adulation, the interviews, films, commercials, shoes with their name, a line of clothing, perfume.  How did that happen? Why all the focus suddenly on this individual? What's so great about that person? 

Ah, yes, the overnight success story.  As a public, we are presented with the final picture, the finished canvas, all framed and shiny with a nice bow on it.  What we do not get is the background story.  How long has that person struggled to be great? How many auditions did he or she attempt? How many sleepless nights? How many hungry days were spent at the easel? How many cold and dreary and lonely afternoons and nights were spent in the dogged pursuit of what now seems like a "sudden" success story? 

There is nothing sudden about it.  Success is measured by hard work and diligence. 

Happiness

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

― Dalai Lama

Our Constitution notwithstanding, happiness is not a right; rather, it is a state of mind.  In fact, happiness takes many forms.  And rarely do these forms include a state of giddiness, drinking, or silly irresponsibility.  The happiest, most meaningful events are those that require some toil, some accomplishment, completing a difficult or onerous task, or achieving an important goal.  You cannot chase happiness; you cannot find it in a bottle or food or even another person.  Happiness occurs as a natural extension of extending yourself, giving of yourself, working for it.  It is not the winning of a million dollars that provides satisfaction - it is attaining it through merit.  You've heard it said that money doesn't buy happiness (though it helps render life more livable), because the feeling of happiness is a result of an effort that we make.

Daily Stretching Routine

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

― Albert Einstein 

How many times have you failed? Have you tried your hand at painting a landscape? Have tried to sing in public?  Have you tried to build a tree house for your child? How about reading the instructions and putting together a gas grill? Have you ever prepared a romantic dinner for your spouse, only to burn the roast? Have you ever tried to sew a dress, only to discover it was not measured properly, and you've wasted the fabric?   Have you succeeded at all these endeavors? If so, congratulations.  If not, what have you done? Did you take your marbles and go home at the first obstacle? Did you tear your hair out in frustration? Did you resolve to never try that one again?  If so, you're not alone.  The tendency is to give up after the first try.  The first discouraging word, the first suggestion that we may not have exactly what it takes to achieve our goal throws us back into the inertia of doing nothing, trying nothing, persisting at nothing.  If you try something new, but don't succeed to your satisfaction; if you encounter negativity and discouragement, you are giving power to those who would not support your efforts.  After all, what's wrong with trying again - and again and again - to be an accomplished public speaker? Why not try again and again to lose that extra weight? 

The measure of a man is not his successes, but his ongoing perseverance even in the face of failure - or what some would consider failure.

Discipline

 “If we do not discipline ourselves the world will do it for us.”

― William Feather

It is indeed easy to be permissive, and let our children grow at their speed, allow them to "find themselves," discover their place in society, their role among their peers.  We want to be their friends.  We want them to accept us as their equal.  We want to foster good communication with our children, but unfortunately, what often happens is that we accept their level of casual, peer-approved talk, and by so doing, encourage it.  Instead of "raising" our children, we become their complicitors, their enablers.  We don't dare stand up to them out of fear of alienating them.  We don't dare enforce the rules at home for fear of turning them off, or having them rebel.  So we stand by meekly, watching them struggle with hormones and peer pressure, acquiescing to their demands, floundering under their tantrums, or smiling benignly at the inevitability of poor behavior.  TV shows abound with rude behavior.  We take it all in stride, and there's the rub.

Children don't grow themselves.  Like a sapling that will grow in the direction of the strongest wind, so will our children. 

The Overnight Success

 “There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.”

― Colin Powell

I have often found myself envious of the overnight success.  You know the kind - the young actor who comes on the scene suddenly and is awash in camera lights and trophies; or the writer who writes an runaway international bestseller; or the painter who garners accolades for a few well-placed scribbles on the canvas.  What is missing in this envy is a reality check.  Frequently, the so-called "overnight" success has come about after years of hard work and toil; exasperating hours at the piano; thousands of dollars in training fees; blistered toes and aching joints.  In fact, some of these overnight successes are not successful until after their deaths, having spent their lives in poverty and hunger.  Think Beethoven, van Gogh, Mozart, who lived their lives in misery.  Think of Lincoln whose life was a series of business failures and depression.  Think of Edison, who experimented a thousand times before succeeding at the light bulb.

There are no secrets to success.  Plenty of "how-to" books professing to have such secrets, but at their core, the message is always the same: Define your goal, get the tools, learn the trade, then practice, practice, practice, and don't give up.

People Pleasing

“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

― Bill Cosby

The implication in the above quote - supported by the popular psychobabble - is that one should not strive to be a people pleaser.  Clearly, because of differing personalities and expectations, it is impossible to please everybody.  The introvert will be displeased by the extrovert's efforts; the chubby may be displeased by the efforts of the skinny to show him or her "the way"; Democrats will be displeased by Republicans' ideologies, and so on.  Trying to please all those diverging sensibilities can only result in a scattering of one's efforts and talents.  Therefore, pleasing oneself is the only way to be. 

Rather than being a self-centered attitude, pleasing oneself means being authentic.  It is not an invitation to be selfish or rude.  Rather, it is a recognition of one's own true self.  And it is only through one's true self that one can communicate with the world in a true, authentic, sincere manner.

Success and Failure

"Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. It is courage that counts." - Winston Churchill

Success is an illusive thing.  You may struggle and sweat at a project, only to fail.  Character is marked by the courage to persevere in the face of ostensible failure. 

But what happens if you should succeed? Is victory assured forever? Is effort no longer needed? Can you now rest upon your laurels, secure in your triumph? No.  Now is the true test of your mettle - what you do with your success.  Do you go to the beach, or find the next boulder to push up the mountain? Either one -- success or failure -- is a lifelong endeavor, simply approached from different perspectives.

Consider, too, that if you surmount all your difficulties and succeed time and time again, you're not stretching enough!

Try and Try Again

“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”

― Mark Twain

This quote from the celebrated humorist, is indeed comical when taken at face value.  But have you considered that if you try - and fail - that does not indicate the measure of a man (or woman)?  The virtue is in the trying, not in the ultimate success.  The trying (to quit smoking or overeating or whatever) implies several things: (a) that you recognize that something is amiss; (b) that you wish to follow a different path, a healthier path; (c) that you are ready to make an effort.  Trying is a high-level condition.  Celebrate it; embrace it; accept it; include it - it is part of who you are, a testament to your ambition to change into a better human being.  If you ever doubt it, consider the untiring efforts made by the likes of Edison and Lincoln.

Don't ever quit.  Keep trying!

You Make a Difference!

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” ― William James 

 William James is known as the Father of Psychology.  The quote above is not simply a cute affirmation to repeat as a mantra while sitting cross-legged and trying to contemplate one's existence.  The above quote is, indeed, quite profound.  

Consider that if you raise your index finger, the air molecules around your finger shift.  You can't see the air moving, but in fact, it is.  And when the air moves around your finger, it necessarily shifts everywhere.  Everywhere.  

Now consider something more momentous than simply raising your finger and moving air molecules.  Do you doubt for an instant that the people around you are influenced by what you do and say? The people around you are your family, friends, colleagues, even strangers on the street and in the next car.  Everyone and everything around you is influenced by what you do and say, as you are influenced by everyone else.  The question is, is that influence for the good or evil? 

You make a difference!

Go ahead, take a risk!

“The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.”
― Theodore Roosevelt 

Not doing anything is a great way to play it safe.  But taking a risk brings more satisfaction.  There is the satisfaction of accomplishment; the satisfaction of having done a good job; and most importantly, the satisfaction of having the courage to take that risk.  Sure, it can be scary at times, intimidating, unpleasant.  But the rewards are oh, so delicious.  Think of the time when you had your eye on a person of the opposite sex and were afraid to approach him or her? When you finally conquered your fear, did you not feel lighter? That person's response is almost inconsequential.  What matters is that you dared to step out on the skinny branches! 

Dare to be great!

Thinking Outside the Box

“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”
― Albert Einstein 

 Like playing, thinking outside the box is done more by children than by adults.  By the time they grow up, children have learned social "rules," required protocols, the so-called social grease of relationships, and gradually begin conforming to a logical step-by-step hierarchy for things.  As in a prior blog entry, the key to not getting old is to never stop playing.  Here, the key to inventiveness, creativity, and energy is to avoid the tried-and-true, A to B linear thinking, and dare to step outside.  This is not confined merely to logical material, dry calculations of profit and loss, pros and cons, but to everything in life, including new careers, relocations, new friends. 

Have you ever wondered how it was possible for a little girl to understand rhythm and cadence to the point of being such a celebrated dancer as Shirley Temple? If you look at her videos, you would be amazed at the level of sophistication in the syncopation of her dance steps.  She didn't achieve that level of proficiency by studying countless hours or earning an advanced degree.  Her dance was instinctive, spontaneous childlike innocence that does not analyze everything.  When I try to dance, I slow the music (or shut it off entirely), then slowly count every step, every right-left-hop, frequently painfully and to no avail.  I, as an adult, require many, many repetitions, and I still cannot dream of reaching Shirley's level of proficiency.  Why? Because I'm dancing to someone else's tune. 

Dare to imagine.  Dare to design your life.  Think outside the box.

Don't Stop!

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
― George Bernard Shaw 

This is not only about playing, but about living.  There is ample evidence to suggest that retirement is not good for the soul - or for life, itself.  Do not delude yourself into believing that retirement will set you free - from your boss, from the commute, from the stress.  It won't.  Rather, retirement will have the opposite effect, that of withdrawing you from a community, from social interaction, from deadlines, from the need to get up at a set time and go about doing something that someone is relying upon.  You may fantasize that that is exactly what you need, peace and quiet, and yet, upon further reflection, you would probably admit to yourself that when you had unlimited time off, you became bored.  And boredom leads to laziness, which leads to lack of interest, which leads to eventual death.  Lack of interest is the worst.  After all, how much golf can you play? You believe that you would never tire of sitting in your sailboat and bobbing on the waves? It's wonderful when you do it in small segments - just like eating chocolate cake: it's delicious at first bite; it's satisfying at the end of the piece of cake; it's beckoning to you to have another piece, then another; and yet, once you realize that there is no one watching you, no one with whom you must share that cake, do you really want to finish it? What about tomorrow, will you want yet another chocolate cake? Perhaps.  Retirement is not quite like a chocolate cake.  Worse - it lasts much longer.  Much longer with nothing to do.  Yes, yes, I know, you've got your hobbies, your grandchildren, your voluminous library.  But have you goals and aspirations?

What is Excellence?

“If you want to achieve excellence, you can get there today. As of this second, quit doing less-than-excellent work.”

― Thomas Jefferson 

Do you accept "good enough" from others, as well as yourself? Do you believe that no one's going to know better; or no one even has any idea of what you're talking about? Stop it. Strive for excellence in all you do.  Here's why. 

Excellence is akin to honor.  If you give your word that you will appear at 5 pm, don't show up at 5:03 and shrug your shoulders as if it really didn't matter.  If you promised to keep a secret, don't then tell your spouse about it, thinking that it doesn't really count.  If you made a commitment to meet your friend each morning at 6 a.m. for a 2-mile walk, don't cancel because you just don't feel like going, or want to get more sleep. 

Excellence is a commitment.  A commitment to your best.  Not your almost-best, but your best.  Your best effort.  Your utmost; your all.  It means giving 100% to the task.  What such commitment says about you is that you can be counted on.  Your best - your own excellence - is unimpeachable.  It is true and strong and reliable. 

Give your word.  Be excellent.

The Pursuit of Happiness

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Anger - that state of being of antagonism, indignant rage, desire for vengeance, jealousy, resentment - has become a popular means of expression in this day and age of liberation, of self-determination, of assertiveness.  Have we crossed too far to the other side?  Negative emotions that lead to negative actions are not the mark of the strong, but rather the refuge of the weak.  It is the weak who rely on their "right" to self-expression as an excuse to vent their anger.  But consider: any form of negative emotion is, by definition, negative - it is harmful, deleterious to health, both physical and emotional.  And anything that does not support resonant, brilliant health of body and mind necessarily is the robber of such states.  Do not permit your house to be robbed.  Do not become vulnerable to the seducer that is anger.  Do not allow yourself to succumb to the lie that anger is useful.  It is not.  It is a mark of weakness, a road to perdition.

A Test of Courage

“The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.”
― George S. Patton 

As the quote above states, the mark of character is not what you find when you are on top; it is what you do when you falter.  The "test" of success - or, for that matter, the test of courage or of faith or of loyalty, occurs when things are not going our way.  If we can rise above adversity; above discouragement; ignore others' malicious or deprecating opinions of our efforts - then we shall have passed the test. 

It is true for faith, whether you believe in an unseen greater power, or if you choose to have faith in an outcome: the test comes when the chips are down.  That's what makes it a test.  Otherwise, how would you know that you have been tested? How would you know that your faith was challenged, questioned even? When everything around you is purring along, with no problems, no issues, nothing to resolve, there is no conflict.  You are at peace.  The forces do not battle each other.  Everything is harmonious.  And that is not a test.  The test comes when conflict begins.  How you resolve it is the mark of your character.

Facing One's Problems

“Most people spend more time and energy going around problems than in trying to solve them.”
― Henry Ford

There is no question that problems are not fun.  We tend to avoid them.  We want to sidestep them.  In a sense, we want to pretend they don't exist.  But in truth, problems do exist, and exist in everyone's lives.  No one is immune.  The mark of character is what one does with one's problems, whether one eschews them or faces them head on.  Why should we strive to face our problems rather than bury our head in the sand? because facing them - soon - means that we are acknowledging their existence; are unafraid of their influence or consequences; and are ready to deal with their reality.  It is a reality check.  Surprisingly, facing our problems makes them less imposing.

Think before you speak!

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.”
― Napoleon Hill 

NLP (neurolinguistic programming) suggests that our words are extremely powerful in influencing behavior, as well as feelings - not only of the people who hear our words, but ourselves as well.  If you say to Johnny, "You are lazy, you'll amount to no good," Johnny's attitude and feelings about himself will be influenced to match those words.  But worse, your own feelings will be negatively affected by that commentary.  This may seem curious, but in fact, observe your own emotions the next time you say something - positive or negative - to another person. 

History repeats itself

 “ If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience. ”

― George Bernard Shaw 

People jealously defend their opinions.  Their political positions are typically unchallengeable.  As the quote above suggests, this only leads to more of the same.  Why do we so ardently refuse to see the other point of view? Because it is threatening to our self-esteem.  It threatens our sense of self.  It challenges our image of who we are.  It is ego.  Even clear evidence cannot prevail against ego.  Why? Because our limbic system is geared to self-preservation.  And self-preservation means preserving not only our physical lives, but also our intellectual selves.  Hence the reason for the gridlock in Washington.  Hence the reason for misunderstandings overall.  Once we understand the phenomenon, we can then allow ourselves to calmly listen to other points of view, and assess their merit dispassionately.  This takes courage, because it may mean that we must acknowledge and accept another point of view, and that we might feel is an embarrassment, loss of face, capitulation.  It is not.  Acknowledging a point of view that makes sense comes from strength.

“ Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. ” ― Voltaire

Have you ever required proof that God or goodness or dreams exist? Faith is based on non-provable phenomena.  That's what marks it as faith.  It is a state of mind, a serenity, an acceptance that some more powerful forces than ourselves exist in the universe.  In effect, it is a mindset of humility, that we humans are not all powerful and all knowing.  Having faith is said to be a virtue.  Perhaps the virtue lies in the humility.

Generation.Next Tampa Bay Dale Carnegie

Is there a section in your 2012 Business Continuity Play Book for S.M.A.R.T. goal setting?

Setting & Achieving Breakthrough Goals for 2012: Learn How to Take It Up a Notch

Be Optimistic and Credible - and Watch Your Sales Grow!

Keeping a positive mental attitude is a key to unlock your sales success. Prospects like confident and optimistic presentations with credible, verifiable facts. So, where does credibility come from? Credibility is a gift bestowed upon us by others. 

If you would like to know more on this line of reasoning, contact me at Robert.Graves@CarnegieConnection.com for a free white paper.

For further reading unlocking your sales success, go to http://conta.cc/zk7vAk to learn more.

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Taking It Up a Notch in 2012

What professional skills will you ramp up in 2012 to make this a banner year for you and your business?  Whether you want to improve performance in Leadership, Sales, Customer Service, Communications, Presentations, or Interpersonal Skills, you’ll find a resource through this blog that perfectly matches your learning style preference.

So, let's consider the upcoming Dale Carnegie Training Tampa Bay Taking It Up a Notch in 2012 seminar. You probably made some New Year's Resolutions, like most of us do. How do you plan to make those wishes come true? Goal setting can take you there.

What is goal setting? The art of making business happen. Sharpen your ability to focus your mental, physical, and emotional energy in a single direction toward a pre-determined outcome, and you move toward your achieving your goals, such as, increasing revenue or improving productivity.

Striving to reach your goals for 2012 reveals the importance of being an active goal setter.  The key ingredient to success is in setting realistic, achievable goals. (I'll discuss setting SMART goals in a later blog.)  Set the right goals and enjoy success in all areas of your life. Taking It Up a Notch in 2012 will help you help yourself and your business.

Join me at the Taking It Up a Notch in 2012 seminar where you will learn:

What are some of the challenges we face in setting and achieving goals?

• What are the steps to setting and achieving goals?
• What are the 6 keys to effective goal setting?
• Five questions to ask when setting goals

See you there, resolutions in hand,
Robert Graves, MBA, DCT
Director Business Performance Improvement
Dale Carnegie Training of Tampa Bay
813-966-3058 direct cell or text
813-667-6224 Executive Assistant
Robert.Graves@DaleCarnegie.com
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