Only The Now

"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.”

― Ben Hogan 

Unlike a game of golf that can be played again and again, life has only one go-round. You will be age 25 only once; age 40 only once; age 65 only once.  Indeed, your present day will never come again; your present moment will never be repeated. Do not allow yourself to get mired in memories or traumas, or to daydream too much about a golden future. You have only the now, whether it be sad or joyful, painful or loving, it is there for you to relish, to learn from, to savor; for it will never come again in the same form.  

Ego

“Don't let your ego get too close to your position, so that if your position gets shot down, your ego doesn't go with it.”

― Colin Powell 

Said a bit tongue in cheek, General Powell is suggesting that one not allow one's ego to get in the way of success. Yes, you want credit to be attributed to you; but importantly, success derives from your own hard work, as well as frequently the input of others, either now or in the past. Moreover, should your efforts fail for any reason, you do not have to remain so attached to your ego so as to feel totally defeated. Success is a multiple-action-person event.  

What is Good Judgment?

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.”

― Will Rogers 

Will Rogers was a humorist and wise philosopher, indeed. In the above quote, he suggests that it is experience that leads eventually to good judgment, but only after suffering from some stumbles. For example, the first time you had a crush on somebody, say, in first grade, did you know how to proceed? Did you know what to do? How to speak to that person? Probably not. As you grew and matured, you went through various stages of emotional growth, and again stumbled fairly frequently in the "opposite sex" arena. Each such experience taught you something, hopefully something positive to build on in the future, rather than encouraging you to take your marbles and go home. Each time you approached a member of the opposite sex, or wanted a member of the opposite sex to approach you, certain behaviors came into play. Those behaviors were ruled by various judgments you were making - about the person of interest, about the circumstances, your peers, and your own set of values. And each stumble leads you closer to the goal.

Consider that Edison tried 1000 different ways of making a light bulb, and finally succeeded. It was experience that told him that each effort was not successful, and that something else needed to be put into the equation, or taken out of the equation. So it is in all aspects of life. You exercise bad judgment in a situation, and the experience turns out to be a negative one; you exercise good judgment, and the experience is magnificent. 

Another example. Say you want to go to the beach. The weather is gorgeous, and you haven't been to the beach in two years. You ache to sit quietly on the soft sand and watch the seagulls crackle overhead. But it is Wednesday, and you are at work. You can exercise judgment and leave work right here and now, and drive down to the beach, and enjoy the experience. But the likelihood is that tomorrow, you will be called on the carpet for abandoning your work. That is the experience to be built upon: You went to the beach, but at an inopportune time, and got scolded (or worse) in the process - probably not a great feeling/experience. But suppose instead that you clear your calendar for Saturday, two days hence, and commit to taking that ride to the beach? Now you can not only enjoy the sand under your feet, but also know that the experience is clean and clear, and free from any possible negative consequences. Your judgment is to delay gratification, which produces better results. 

Happiness

"Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions; it is governed by our mental attitude."

Dale Carnegie

The new year is still in its infancy, and resolutions abound. They are all sincere, heartfelt and enthusiastic promises, and they are almost universally abandoned.

A resolution is a declaration, a decision, a stated commitment to get something accomplished. All resolutions require practice, from committing to an exercise program to losing weight. Practicing keeping one's word (commitment, resolution) is not easy, because, had it been easy, it would not be a recurring theme year after year.

What about happiness? Can one make a commitment to be happy? Yes.

"But," you protest, "you don't understand, I've got stress, my husband drinks, I lost my job, my car is old and I can't replace it, my boss is a shrew, and I'm all alone and have no friends."

Yes, and you can commit to being happy.

Happiness is not a giddy state, fun and games, staying up drinking to the wee hours of the morning. Happiness is not winning the lottery (yes, I know, money helps). Happiness is not more sex or different sex, or suddenly losing 100 lbs and being the envy of all you see. Happiness is acceptance. And this, too, is a skill that requires practice. How can you accept dire circumstances such as the ones alluded to above? The answer is simple: simply accept.

Accepting your circumstances does not mean liking them. It does not mean being content with them. It means recognizing them, acknowledging them as part of the fiber of your life. Your teenager is giving you trouble? If you don't take the first step to acknowledge that situation, you can take no action to solve it. If you do not acknowledge the situation and face it square on, it is tantamount to burying your head in the sand, and ignoring it. What does that have to do with happiness? Plenty. By acknowledging your circumstances, you are dealing with reality. By acknowledging your circumstances, you empower yourself to focus on solutions. And by acknowledging your circumstances, you stand a better chance of separating what is yours from what is not, meaning that, in the scenario of your difficult teenager, you can take measures to deal with his behavior. You can also take the important steps of not taking it personally. Your job is to live an ethical life and do your best. The results will happen as they happen. In other words, if it's raining, let it rain.

Difficult People

"Those that are hardest to love are those that need it the most." 
 -Dan Millman

I don't know about you, but I tend to stay away from difficult people. Even as the above quote suggests, difficult people are hard to love. What makes them difficult is they tend to be onerous, cantankerous, argumentative, frequently ill-mannered, sometimes insulting, and oftentimes sour in disposition. They are difficult to love  at those times. No doubt, they may have endearing qualities, but if they keep their light under a bushel, or are otherwise unengageable, or unkind in one way or another, then they are inviting alienation, though they may not realize it. Those people want to be loved in spite of themselves. It is ironic that the more bitter and unhappy their demeanor, the more they need love. Now, "love" does not mean laying down your soul to be trampled on by these negative folks. But it does reveal the extent of their unhappiness, because it is their inner unhappiness that produces and exacerbates their behavior. If they were happy to begin with, they would find it easy to smile and overlook petty aggravations. So it is this deep-seated unhappiness, this insecurity, that makes them behave in an unattractive way that is so difficult to love. But love is what they need. Even if it means loving them from afar. And love sometimes means staying away.

Become a Better Man (or Woman)

“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.”

― Benjamin Franklin 

On this, the first day of the new year, Benjamin Franklin's quote above is most apt.  In a thumbnail, it asks each one of us to keep a clear eye on priorities.  In this case, he admonishes each one of us to be kind and generous and courteous with our neighbors, while eschewing, soundly rejecting whatever vices we may have, from overeating to drinking, from fighting to talking disrespectfully, from mocking others to cruelty to animals.  To be sure, there are many other vices.  Suffice to say that the road to becoming a better man or woman is to foster our softer sides toward each other.  We are interconnected, not only in a spiritual, mystical way, but quite tangibly, our lives are connected to our personal circle: our families, our friends, our colleagues, and the strangers we interact with.  And each one of them is interconnected with his or her own circle.  Thus, if we focus on dealing kindly with our own circles, hopefully that will translate to the community, the village, the city, and ultimately the world. 

So should our resolution be.